Defining "decorum" isn't easy these days

If you’ve ever taken an air horn to a commencement so that your favorite graduate would know you were proudly applauding his or her achievements, you probably should stop reading this post and just move on. It’s not likely you’re going to appreciate my point of view.

On the other hand, if, like me, you’ve wondered what happened to decorum at graduation ceremonies, you may appreciate my reaction to this story about a young man in Standish, Maine, whose on-stage antics prompted the school superintendent to send him back to his seat, sans diploma.

He wasn’t the only one. Even before administrators from Bonny Eagle High School began to confer diplomas, a few students were escorted away for blowing up beach balls. One student was forced to sit away from the class.

Accounts vary on what exactly Justin Denney did to warrant the refusal of his diploma. The local ABC affiliate says upon reaching the stage, he gave a deep bow and then pointed and blew kisses to his mom (All together now: awwwwwe). There was also something about pulling out a tie pointing to it – the report wasn’t too clear on that.

The district superintendent viewed his gestures as misbehavior, something that the school’s students and parents vowed in a written code of conduct, signed just days before the ceremony, would not take place.

This will come as a shock to you so make sure you’re sitting before you read it:  According to the report, the boy’s mother says her son is blameless:

"I'm like, 'Did she not hand him his diploma?' I'm like, 'What's going on?'" Mary Denney said…

…"There was no misbehavior. Showboating is not misbehavior," Mary Denney said. "A bow, a kiss to your mom is not misbehavior. There was no need of my son not getting his diploma."

Mrs. Denney is demanding that the school district apologize and confer his diploma – with him dressed in cap and gown – or else.

I happen to think young Mr. Denney should gather his family around the mailbox and blow kisses from the driveway as he comes forward to collect his diploma from the postal employee who will deliver it. Unlike his mother, I think “showboating” is exactly the sort of misbehavior the school district was trying to discourage.

Clearly, this boy is used to getting lots of attention. It didn’t suit him to simply hear his name called and walk respectfully across the stage. It wasn’t enough to shake the hand of the superintendent and other school officials and then return to his seat. Nope, young Justin had to turn the spotlight up “all the way to 11.”

The Denneys and others like him won’t admit that their refusal to adhere to societal standards of decorum indicates their self-centeredness and selfishness. These folks think every event is an excuse to sound the horn, toss a beach ball, pump a fist and generally “woot” their way through what is meant to be a solemn event.

Some folks think solemnity is unnecessary. Rules about behavior make graduations too stuffy and boring and formal. Formality is for fuddy-duddies.

It’s really sad that this is such a pervasive attitude. Solemn ceremonies are important – they help us recognize and acknowledge the significant milestones in our lives. The point is that they are serious so that they honor the gravity of commitment and perseverance that led up to them.

What’s more, one person’s harmless “showboating” really does disrupt the mood for others.

Bonny Eagle High School and others across the country face a near-impossible task – holding decorous and meaningful commencement ceremonies while trying to control the uncouth behavior of their graduates and the enabling excuses of the graduate’s parents.

That there was a code of conduct signed by students and their parents tells me the school district tried its level best to convey its behavioral expectations prior to commencement.

Mrs. Denney says her son’s day was ruined. She’s right. But it wasn’t the superintendent who ruined the day. It was Justin, who could have behaved with decorum – just as the code of conduct specified – and proudly displayed his diploma to his family and friends after the ceremony.